One email laden with delight or defeat.

I stared at the screen, both eager and reluctant. This email was laden with delight or defeat.  It held the promise of the unknown.  It’s message contained the power to unravel the mystery of future opportunities and the validation of choices and sacrifice. I savored these last few moments pregnant with hope and possibility before I opened my email.

Like so many times before, God offered me the long and winding way.  Oh, how I had longed for a more direct route.  A scenic path freshly manicured without hills or obstacles.  I craved a delightful winding trail that immediately opened into a vast expanse of breathtaking beauty and possibility.

But it would not be.  The answer was no, not now, not this proposal, manuscript, or COMPEL Book Line. There is a deafening silence that accompanies the agony of defeat. No cheers or exuberant calls escort emails burdened with no.  Instead, only questions whispered in hushed tones and in lonely places.

Stunned silence was immediately interrupted by clouded confusion. Subtly, yet distinctively, I heard, Did God really say? It was a loaded question dripping with doubt.  The enemy crept into my dismay eager for the opportunity.

Unfortunately, we are all familiar with the agony of defeat or the deafening haunt of disappointment. Too often we allow the confusion and the loaded questions dripping with doubt to distract, delay, or deter us. Our hearts wish for delightful winding paths that immediately open into vast expanses of breathtaking beauty and possibilities.  But often, our journeys resemble Dorothy’s journey along the yellow brick road.  They reveal our deep needs for wisdom, courage, and love.  Ironically, they are froth with the very perils God uses to chisel off our hard places and reveal a sanctified version of us that most closely resembles the image of Christ.

And so, like Dorothy, I will navigate the long and winding path ripe with the unknown, dangers, and disappointment.  Because I believe God will deliver the vast expanse of breathtaking beauty and possibility.  Maybe not today, but one day, some day. And maybe like Abraham, I will only see in part what God has promised in full. Maybe I will only see the seed I sowed rather than the fruit it bears. Ultimately, I believe there is satisfaction and peace to be found in obeying God even when the command seems hard or the promise impossible.

I believe as my friend says…” The best yes is the one we give to God simply out of obedience, not out of confidence.” Asher Telleen, Founder of Sole Hope.