A letter of reprimand…to myself

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a divided heart. I have been approaching a season where I  have needed to decide…Am I in?  No more dipping my toe in the water.  It’s either jump in or walk away.

The question being…Should I do what I believe He is asking?  Should I pursue a conviction which sounds a little like a pipe dream???  

And if I should chase the dream, how do I do it??  As in…Who has the time, energy and resources to be all in? 

In between drafts of this post, God has pointed out the silliness of my perceived predicament.  As I have reviewed my so-called struggle, I am ashamed of myself.  Within 24 hours of drafting this post I have been reminded of a mother who has not left the hospital since October because her child has been desperately fighting cancer and it’s sequelae.  I have received a text message from a dear friend caring for two elderly love ones–a tireless and thankless job.  I received another text from a friend whose best friend died last week.  And I just received an update from a friend regarding her battle with cancer.  After months of chemo and major surgery she now will endure weeks of daily radiation supplemented by chemo and finish off with another major surgery.

So the answer to my question of…Who has the time, energy and resources to go all in??  ME!!  I do!!

God in His very gentle way spoke the word INTENTIONAL to me three times in the past two weeks.  God is much kinder than me.  Had one of my children come to me with such a factious struggle I am confident I would have tilted my head, twisted my nose and rolled my eyes as I said…Suck it up B-U-T-T-E-R-C-U-P!!!!

If the only thing God wants from me is to sit and write, then by George I will sit and write.  If He wants me to equip and encourage other believers through the power of His Word, then I will do my best to equip and encourage other believers through the power of His Word.  If He wants me to spur others on in their journey to their next yes in Him, then give me a computer and show me how to hit send.  I will use my time, energy and money to do it and Lord teach me to sing Your praises as I do!!  The truth is I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  The day may come when I will be the one fighting for my life, the life of my child or caring for the ones I love as they walk through the last part of their journey on earth.

I think God might be desperately trying to tell me there comes a time when it is not enough for me to simply know the word or pray the word.  There comes a time when I must do the word.  Faith must bear fruit.  “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. DANA– Do what it says.  James 1:24 (personalization and emphasis added)

Maybe God’s reminding me if my faith does not translate into a choice which produces an action which glorifies God, then it’s pretty much worthless.  Faith without works is dead. James 2:26

I think I got lulled into believing a half-truth.  I got lulled into believing faith would do something it was never intended to do.  I subconsciously believed faith would rise up from deep within, overwhelm me by His presence and override any hesitation, fear or awkwardness obedience might require.  But it’s just not true.

Faith might compel me to pray with a stranger.  It might compel me to encourage and equip.  Faith might compel me to sit and write.   It might compel me to confront the sin.  It might compel me to listen silently to the struggle, offering a shoulder but not an opinion.  Faith might compel me to give when I know I have nothing left.

But faith will only compel, it will not force.

God gives me the choice.  What will I choose to do?  Will I procrastinate over a pretend struggle??  Will I offer delayed obedience which is really no obedience at all? Or will I say yes, Lord.

Even if nothing comes of it Lord, I’ll do it.  I’ll do it just because I believe that is what You are asking.

I’m not sure what things Faith has been compelling you to do, but I want to encourage you to say yes.  Say yes despite the hesitation, fear or awkwardness.

Remember…a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.  James 2: 24.