A fire shut up in my bones…
This past December a couple of coworkers and I met up for lunch at PF Chang’s. We settled in, perused the menu and made our selection. While waiting for our savory lettuce wraps to arrive, our conversation turned to God. Which is not that surprising because we are all God-fearing, God-loving women.
But then my friend Valerie turned to me and said “Dana, I think you need to get a job at Proverbs 31 ministries writing devotions or something.”
I was caught off guard. Suddenly, I felt very self-conscious. I thought, is this like one of those times someone offers you a stick a gum? It’s not necessarily because they are instinctively generous but rather because your breath stinks. Yikes.
Was I preaching too much? Did they feel like I was holding them hostage to the gospel? Is she sick of hearing my sermons?
Or maybe my friend was genuine in her recommendation?
Either way, God used it. He used it to start softening my heart to writing and starting a blog. Maybe a more-healthy outlet to sharing my passion for Him?
Then in April, the very same friend sent me an email brochure for the She Speaks Conference in July 2018 sponsored by Proverbs 31 ministries. The conference is for women who feel called to write or speak.
And God used her again. I signed up and am headed there this week! I’m excited to take this next leap of faith. And you should be excited as well…maybe someone will teach me how to write!!
One of the great things about the conference is they pair you up with another attendee prayer partner in the weeks preceding the conference. Below is an edited version of an email correspondence sent from me to my prayer partner. Although it would not be appropriate to share the entire email, I believe a few edited excerpts might help you understand where I am on my journey and maybe convince you to say a prayer for me.
Dear Friend,
I loved your email and hearing from you. Please forgive my delayed response. Time and energy seem sparse these days with kids home for the summer.
I too feel completely unqualified. Not only do I “know” I’m not qualified as a writer, the devil and the world seem to remind me daily that I’m not worthy or good enough. Please pray God will guard my heart. In the end, I want to be a God pleaser and not a man pleaser. So here goes Lord, I’m getting out of the boat as crazy and illogical as that decision may seem to everyone else!!
I have a deep-seated conviction or desire to tell the world about the one I love. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would want to read what I write. And I’m sure whatever I do write has enough grammatical errors to make a High School English teacher quit her job. Each time I write and review it, I find more issues.
I had no idea how much needed to go into writing and starting a blog. I feel like Paul…“I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.”1 Corinthians 9:22 I’ve become a writer, editor, graphic designer, marketer, salesman and all-together hustler for the gospel. But instead of making money, I’m spending money. ?
I’m too old and too poor to even know what a hip/trendy wardrobe would look like and too tired to care. Am hoping someone will be like God/Samuel and not look at the outward appearance but the inward man. But that might be a problem too because I feel Iike I’ve spent the whole summer yelling or putting at least one of my kids in time out. I’ve been asking the Lord if this is what He means by “fight the good fight?” or has my heart gotten so hard I’ve lost any sense of the Holy Spirit??
And to top it off, I feel spiritually dry. I want the Spirit to burn within me and give me the words to say. I did feel a little encouraged when the devotional last night was about even when you feel like you can’t see, sense or hear God, He is there nonetheless directing your path. Of course, this was right after I felt like I was going to kill my husband and quickly let him know my displeasure with him. ?♀️. So not sure the devotional applies to me, probably just the other “good” Christian Mothers/wives. ??
So yes, my dear friend there are endless ways you can pray for me!! But if I try to keep it scriptural:
1. Lord, hep me not to kill anyone. (My 5-year-old prayed this one time and I laughed because I realized what a good prayer it really was).
2. Guard my heart Lord. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23
3. The Holy Spirit will give me the words to say. “…for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.”” Luke 12:12 NIV
4. His Spirit and word will burn within me…
“But if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”
Jeremiah 20:9 NIV
The truth is I am in love with my Lord. I can’t stop talking about Him and I don’t want too. It is only when I am with Him that I am alive. So, I will chase Him down to the ends of the earth if I have too, so help me God. Let’s just hope Charlotte NC is far enough!! ☺️
XOXO
Dana
